Monstrous Earth Won Intro & 2 Giveaways

Welcome to my world! I’d like to give you a little taste of the book I wrote for teens, currently in rewrite as I convert to first person point of view. I believe it lets me into my main character’s head a lot better than third person, but a sad development later in the book kept me from trying this option until now. Before you fill out the Rafflecopter form I’d like you to tell me what you think of the following three introductory paragraphs. I’m going to ask your opinion as my first entry requirement.

I never expected to become a monster. I bet not even Frankenstein’s monster expected that. When I was little, I learned I was different the first time some kid made fun of my pointy ears, inherited from my mom. She also gave me a name some people claim is a girl’s—Morgan. As I grew, the ears made me a bully-magnet more than the name did, but I never guessed another gift I got from Mom—my brains—would mark me for death at such a young age. I’m only 14.

I feel more like 44 now, too old, after all that’s happened. At first, becoming a hero and all that sounded cool. Now I wish I’d never traveled to another world, an ancient Earth where Utah’s salt flats had been turned to sugar flats growing much of the Heartland’s food supply. Maybe you think desert territory becoming dessert territory sounds like kid stuff, like that candy game—but still sweet, right? Except something poisoned those sweets over time. On our Earth, few people ever die from eating dessert, do they? For sure, they don’t die from dessert eating them.

I do have some hope that becoming a monster will help me survive in the dessert territory. But you’ll have to understand if somebody else finishes this story. At least then, you’ll know I died in a good cause—trying to purify the poisoned Heartland—on another Earth.

I’d like to thank Kathy of for hosting this giveaway hop and Rachel Renee Anderson for co-hosting.

Now it’s time to make your comment below this blog post. No need for your name or email address. Those go in the Rafflecopter form. Instead, please give an honest answer to two questions about my book introduction. Rafflecopter picks the winner and I promise not to take you out of the running if I don’t like your answer. I just want to know if enough people like this intro before I edit the rest of the book. Okay, now for the questions about the intro:

1. Did it make you want to read the book or give it to a teen who you think would like it?
    a. me  b. teen  c. neither because I didn’t like it.

2. Did the introduction give too much, too little, or the wrong info to make you want to read on?
    a. It gave to little info or didn’t explain it well enough. (I’d love it if you explain what.)
    b. It gave just enough info to hook me.
    c. It gave some info that should have been saved for later. (I’d love it if you say which info.)
    d. None of it appealed to me. (Again, I’d love to hear why. I’m a big girl. I can take it.)

That’s it, although I’d love for you to comment with any other thoughts about my book, Earth Won. Once you’re done, please fill out the Rafflecopter form in my previous post. The only difference is that you won’t have to make a comment under that post because you did it here. The linky list is also under my previous post, so you can go hopping from there too. Thanks!

Share A Heart

Indie author-friendly freelance editor, children's book blogger for picture books through YA, kid lit, SF/fantasy lover with special fondness for middle grade, pun-loving SCBWI member, meter-maid for poetry and rhyming picture books.


  1. It’s a weird but interesting mixture of sadness, threat and childlike elements. Just with the first sentence I would like to read on to find out more about this so-called monster. I’d read it myself and I wouldn’t mind recommending it to a teen. I guess it’s an introductory part, not a summary of the book, right? As a glimpse into the reading, I liked it very much and it gave all the information to make me like it and have a general idea. Thanks :o).

  2. 1) B
    2) B
    Sher, first let me tell you that I converted my entire novel from 3rd to 1st and liked it so much better. It’s still in editing. It’s a lot of work, though.

    The 3 paragraphs were well written and made me want to read more. The dessert territory threw me off a little. It sounds like it’s more MG than YA. I think you should definitely continue with the book! I think it could be awesome:)

  3. Answers: C and D
    The reason why I didn’t like it was because I had always prefer summaries over excerpts. Maybe some people will connect with the beginning but I didn’t.

  4. D: I did not get it. The DESSERT threw me. I kept expecting it be DESERT.

  5. I really really agree that you making it into first person sounds a LOT LOT better to me. Third person can be hard, because I feel that as a writer you have to try NOT to put your own thoughts and feelings into your characters all the time. That is why I have a hard time with it. Not sure if it’s the same for you. I would read it for sure, and I would definitly recommend it to a teen. As for the confusing parts about it, I think it’s not as confusing as people make it out to be. It’s a middle grade novel, and you have to have a little ‘nonsense’ to make something interesting.

  6. At first I was a little confused, but then that is often my state LOL and then I became intrigued. I think I really want to read this, I want to know how this plays out – and did she literally get her mom’s brain, would all of her mom’s memories come with it? I could see where that would be hard to handle. Thank you for the giveaway fun 🙂

  7. I really, really, really love your idea. It’s great. I would read it. But something about it just isn’t right yet. And one thing that bothered me is when you said “I wish i’d never traveled to another world, an ancient earth,” I think it would be better to actually name this other world, so that there is a better sense of having traveled somewhere different. An ancient earth sounds like time travel, and I don’t think that’s what you were going for.

  8. Wow, excellent comments so far. Yes, this is the first three paragraphs of chapter one, not the summary. I do have a summary on my website, which you can see by clicking my book tab at the top of my blog.

    Although my main character has to pass through the sugar flats to reach his destination, he doesn’t have to know the locals call it “dessert” territory until after dinner, unless he ends up as the main course.

    I’m glad first person works better than third did, but somehow my early drafts always convey a different meaning than what I wanted. To clarify, my main character is a male and inherited his mom’s brains in a figurative sense. He has certain mental abilities I don’t want to reveal here. And sure enough, I should have said he traveled to the first Earth, the oldest world of all.

    Thank you all. You’ve been a huge help. Keep the comments coming!

  9. 1.A(because i’m a teen)

    Now you got me hooked…i should definitely know what happens…

  10. I chose C, and D
    The first paragraph was fine but the last two made me not want to continue reading. There is a lot more “character” to the first one. You could stop there and people will go “what’s next?”.
    I think you could feed all the information contained in the last two paragraphs little by little into the rest of the story.
    So this is only my opinion. Thanks for sharing your writing with us. 🙂

  11. 1. A and B
    2. B
    Would love to win this book to find out more.

  12. I really like the intro. I, too, converted an entire novel from third person to first person….it was awful, but totally worth it in the end!

  13. Excellent post! I think you’ve encapsulated the mission of this blog and our challenge.

  14. I’m seriously thinking of using akoss’s idea. Anybody else, would you be just as or more interested if I left out the second paragraph and the part of the third that mentioned it, and fed the 2nd paragraph info in later?

    Previous critics didn’t understand why things were happening to my MC when he landed in that territory but there’s a lot of room and other ways to fix that between the intro and when it happens.

  15. I liked it. It had a bit of a slow start but the third sentence in reeled me in. I kind of got the idea that it was more of a middle-grade sounding novel than ya but I’d have to read more of it to know for sure.

  16. Okay, Sher, I’m with the program now 🙂
    I liked it very much!!! I see what a few others said about YA and MG – but honestly I think there is such overlap with MGers turning into YAers, that for me it wasn’t a concern. For sure there are 14 year olds who wouldn’t like MY book, but there are some who love it!
    So my answers are: 1 a & b, 2 b

    I absolutely LOVE the line about Dessert eating you – it’s a killer end of paragraph sentence.

    The idea is intriguing and your character is engaging – his voice comes through. Already I know he is a bit of a nerd, but that his quirky qualities have somehow thrust him into the role of unlikely hero – something that kids that age (and grown-ups too) fantasize about – “what makes me weird may also be what makes me great.”

    And the threat at the end – that he may not live to tell the ending – already we are rooting for him.

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